12 days of heather, day 12
i wrote this series remembering my best friend who was making pastries at windows on the world when she was senselessly killed by strangers with hate in their hearts. it’s been 18 years since i’ve seen her face, put my arms around her, eaten a meal she’s made. i wrote this to feel connected to her. i share it so that you might too.
day 12
each year we try to get together. we cook, and we eat and drink like champions. some years there is more laughter than tears, some years not. the children are usually the ones who save us; running and whooping and carrying on like...well, like it's a party.
my daughters know heather. they never met her, but they know her and all of our stories. one of their favorites is how we used to drive out to her house in makaha, with the radio blasting and at least a couple of us standing up in the car through the sunroof of the maxima, dancing as the wind screamed through our hair and the waianae mountains roared up in front of us.
sometimes, when we are feeling restless or we are bickering, i let my girls do it too: stand up through the sunroof and blare their music, as i drive them through the quiet night streets of kahala.
last year on the night of the 11th, as i drove away from peter and michelle's house and pulled onto kahala avenue, bella turned the car stereo on. the volume was way up and we heard a familiar drum line.
"mom!" yelled lola. it was the opening of steve winwood's song "higher love," the song we played on loop for our makaha drives back in 1987. it was too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence.
bella looked at me, "mom, let me drive."
i knew just what she meant. as i came around to the passenger seat, she slid into the driver's seat and opened the sunroof. lola turned the stereo up as loud as it could go. i stood up on the seat, poked my body through the sunroof, and danced all the way home, the salty air whipping my hair while all of us sang at the top of our lungs:
Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is a wasted time
Look inside your heart, I'll look inside mine.
Things look so bad everywhere
In this whole world, what is fair?
We walk blind and we try to see
Falling behind in what could be
Bring me a higher love…